Caught

I think I'm caught between a whole bunch of things, between many hard places and any number of rocks, if you will.

Reading a book called "The High Cost of Low Prices" that is about the violence of globalization. After going through a few chapters, several thoughts heavy on my mind, I decided I needed a jog to sort through my ideas.

But I began to ponder the great expense of something like jogging, especially when a breeze cooled me down and I realized I'd need clothes to run in this winter. Clothes most likely made by poor people from other countries. So I wondered, should I not be jogging?

Something like exercise always puzzles me at a deep level. I don't want to be like those little indie sh*ts who act like exercising is so middle class and pointless. Maybe it is passe, but I unfortunately am not in a profession or lifestyle that demands rigorous physical activity. And it is important to be active, so I jog and promise to find accesories that do not further the victimization of the oppressed. Still, I'm caught between needing exercise and not wanting to be yet another ignorant white girl trying to keep off extra pounds while most of the world starves; I'm caught between being cynical about how we view fitness and not wanting to be another ass who can only see meaning in music and movies.

Alan always teases me about how I always think I'm keepin' it real. And I often do get an attitude about how I think I'm so down to earth. I really do want to be in touch with the realities of the world, to live in solidarity with the poor, but don't know how. I don't want to be another bohemian brat who's in love with herself and her tastes and preferences. I hope someday soon God reaches down and plucks me out from these things I'm caught between.