We sing a song at Perkins Chapel called "Long Time Friends." We sing it to God, who is certainly the longest time friend we all have. Long time friends in other people, however, are often hard to come by.
As a philosophy major I learned that people become friends because of usefulness, pleasure, or goodness. Useful friends are the ones who have what you need at the time, I suppose. A study buddy, a work friend... sometimes even relationships that seem deep are merely one person using the other for company, as a warm body to talk to. Pleasure friendships make me think of those people you love to be around because they are so much fun. My friends in the knitting store in Nyack were like this-- we shared a common interest, swapped stories and advice-- even though we all came from different walks of life.
Now truly good friendships are few and far between, the kind of bond where you see the goodness in the other person and love them even if they stop being useful or fun. I only have a few good, longtime friends. They all live far away, but we still keep in close contact. In fact the distance between us has only proved that our common goals and love for each other are the base of our bond rather than convenience or good times. Friendships that spring from utility or pleasure are not bad, but I am thankful for those longtime friends who let me love them as they are and love me just as I am.
No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. -Alice Walker
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Visits
Alan, Lucy, and I were fortunate enough to have a few visits already this summer. First my sister Alex came for a short week. Now let's be clear: her primary motive for flying to Kentucky was Lucy, but we all enjoyed her company just the same. We took walks-- several, in fact, as Alan kept taking the car downtown and we kept inventing reasons to drive around. Alex baked, of course, and we made her watch Flight of the Conchords. One rainy day we bought craft kits from Hobby Lobby and made sun catchers and coasters.
Then this past week we had the pleasure of welcoming my Mom. Aside from dragging her out for a jog, insisting she stay up late to see Jupiter's moons through my binoculars, asking her to make shrimp tikka masala, having her hold Lucy while I picked raspberries, and whining at her to help me clean out my pantry, I didn't make her do too much. We all had some good, solid theological discussions about annhilinationsism and matters of the human soul. And then we had her listen to some Roy Wood Jr. prank calls and she laughed and laughed.
Lucy had a great time with Alex and my Mom. She thinks they are both soooo hilarious. She kept cracking up and looking at me and Alan as if to say "Where did you find these people!?"
Thanks for coming guys. Hope to see you again soon.
Then this past week we had the pleasure of welcoming my Mom. Aside from dragging her out for a jog, insisting she stay up late to see Jupiter's moons through my binoculars, asking her to make shrimp tikka masala, having her hold Lucy while I picked raspberries, and whining at her to help me clean out my pantry, I didn't make her do too much. We all had some good, solid theological discussions about annhilinationsism and matters of the human soul. And then we had her listen to some Roy Wood Jr. prank calls and she laughed and laughed.
Lucy had a great time with Alex and my Mom. She thinks they are both soooo hilarious. She kept cracking up and looking at me and Alan as if to say "Where did you find these people!?"
Thanks for coming guys. Hope to see you again soon.
Friday, July 4, 2008
...And One More Thing.
We had a nice 4th of July. After watching the end of the Wilmore parade, the 3 of us headed down to the camp meeting for 25 cent hot dogs and cheap Ale 8 accompanied by Ryan and daughter Morgan. It drizzled on and off. After hanging out with our friends for a bit we watched Punch Drunk Love (my first time, I thought it was very funny).
We ordered BBQ chicken from Sonny's for dinner and our whole crew ate together, played some croquet and Apples to Apples, roasted marshmallows, passed the babies around, and had some laughs. After dark we watched the fire works from a distance and lit sparklers (thanks Mom and Dad). Tomorrow a bunch of us ladies are venturing out for the town wide yard sale. Yeah!
I can't help but think of our first 4th of July in Wilmore, being very tense and unsure of ourselves-- I'm very thankful for settling in to this lovely little place and for all the friends and acquaintances we've made here.
We ordered BBQ chicken from Sonny's for dinner and our whole crew ate together, played some croquet and Apples to Apples, roasted marshmallows, passed the babies around, and had some laughs. After dark we watched the fire works from a distance and lit sparklers (thanks Mom and Dad). Tomorrow a bunch of us ladies are venturing out for the town wide yard sale. Yeah!
I can't help but think of our first 4th of July in Wilmore, being very tense and unsure of ourselves-- I'm very thankful for settling in to this lovely little place and for all the friends and acquaintances we've made here.
A bit about freedom, in honor of the 4th
'Marriage, in what is evidently its most popular version, is now on the one hand an intimate "relationship" involving (ideally) two successful careerists in the same bed, and on the other hand a sort of private political system in which rights and interests must be constantly asserted and defended. Marriage, in other words, has now taken on the form of divorce: a prolonged and impassioned negotiation as to how things shall be divided.' - Wendell Berry, Feminism, the Body, and the Machine
Before moving to Kentucky Alan gave me a book of short stories by a man named Wendell Berry who, I'm ashamed to admit, I'd never heard of at that point. Alan mentioned he happened to be a writer and farmer who was also a Kentucky man, and this book might give me a taste of Bluegrass living. Since moving to Jessamine County what's captivated me about Wendell Berry has more to do with his insights into conservation, social relationships, and the pitfalls of American living than his fiction about the Commonwealth.
The quote above is taken from a short essay Berry wrote in response to some of his critics. After mentioning in an article for Harper's that his wife types his manuscripts on a typewriter, Berry received several letters denouncing him as an oppressive husband, treating his wife like a "household drudge."
So Berry poses this question: if he'd mentioned in the same article that his wife was a career typist, would he have heard the same outcry? Probably not. There is something about a person who works outside the home that says "freedom" or "independence" whereas the one who stays home with children or farms or runs a cottage industry calls to mind some kind of bondage.
Are we really so dense any more? I haven't talked to so many people in my life, but most of those I've come across have suffered a fair amount of oppression in the work place. Berry's point seems to be that the best thing at the beginning of the industrial age would have been for women to call there husbands back home to labor rather than for men to drag their wives into the machine we call work.
I don't have any problem with working outside the home; I do know that for me it was a constant fight to keep my dignity intact and my spirits up. And I know we need lots of professional people, but why is that the ideal for all? You can't tell me there is more freedom for the person who sits behind a desk all day than my friend who spends her time tending a garden and working at the children's library. Nor can you say that a single mom I knew in New York who made a living dying yarn and raising her 5 kids is oppressed because she removed herself from a high power corporate job.
People of both genders would do well to rethink what it means to be free, to be independent, to be happy. After writing the statement I quoted above, Berry goes on to talk of how the American home is based on consumption rather than production. Whereas families once made things together, they now primarily consume beside each other. So I suppose if our purpose is to consume, than we all would do well to get good-paying jobs to support our purpose.
I know I didn't do Berry's essay much justice here, so please read it for yourself if you have the time. Thanks for reading this, I'll accept your criticisms as graciously as I can.
Before moving to Kentucky Alan gave me a book of short stories by a man named Wendell Berry who, I'm ashamed to admit, I'd never heard of at that point. Alan mentioned he happened to be a writer and farmer who was also a Kentucky man, and this book might give me a taste of Bluegrass living. Since moving to Jessamine County what's captivated me about Wendell Berry has more to do with his insights into conservation, social relationships, and the pitfalls of American living than his fiction about the Commonwealth.
The quote above is taken from a short essay Berry wrote in response to some of his critics. After mentioning in an article for Harper's that his wife types his manuscripts on a typewriter, Berry received several letters denouncing him as an oppressive husband, treating his wife like a "household drudge."
So Berry poses this question: if he'd mentioned in the same article that his wife was a career typist, would he have heard the same outcry? Probably not. There is something about a person who works outside the home that says "freedom" or "independence" whereas the one who stays home with children or farms or runs a cottage industry calls to mind some kind of bondage.
Are we really so dense any more? I haven't talked to so many people in my life, but most of those I've come across have suffered a fair amount of oppression in the work place. Berry's point seems to be that the best thing at the beginning of the industrial age would have been for women to call there husbands back home to labor rather than for men to drag their wives into the machine we call work.
I don't have any problem with working outside the home; I do know that for me it was a constant fight to keep my dignity intact and my spirits up. And I know we need lots of professional people, but why is that the ideal for all? You can't tell me there is more freedom for the person who sits behind a desk all day than my friend who spends her time tending a garden and working at the children's library. Nor can you say that a single mom I knew in New York who made a living dying yarn and raising her 5 kids is oppressed because she removed herself from a high power corporate job.
People of both genders would do well to rethink what it means to be free, to be independent, to be happy. After writing the statement I quoted above, Berry goes on to talk of how the American home is based on consumption rather than production. Whereas families once made things together, they now primarily consume beside each other. So I suppose if our purpose is to consume, than we all would do well to get good-paying jobs to support our purpose.
I know I didn't do Berry's essay much justice here, so please read it for yourself if you have the time. Thanks for reading this, I'll accept your criticisms as graciously as I can.
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